Too busy offering money to a violent gang for your crack video to keep up with today’s news? Fear not, here’s today in five jokes:
Too busy aiming a shotgun at your pregnant girlfriend too keep up with today’s news? Fear not, here’s today in five joke. Well, four. I’m tired.
While campaigning for a US Senate seat, Liz Cheney told Fox News that she disapproves of same-sex marriage even though her sister, Mary is a married lesbian with children.
Her new campaign slogan: Vote for Liz! Another dick Cheney!
University of Texas at Austin’s chapter of the Young Conservatives of Texas will hold an event called “Catch an Illegal Immigrant.” Students who “catch” people on campus wearing an “Illegal Immigrant” t-shirt will get a $25 gift card which can be used to pay a salary to those illegal immigrants to clean their dorm rooms, mow the lawns of their frat houses and raise their labs rats.
Today Mayor Rob Ford referenced the nastiness of “American-style politics” during a Toronto city council meeting. Americans might be nasty at first but then in a few years we’ll need you to fill time on 24 hours news and have no choice but to take you seriously. Sit tight, Mayor.
Today’s Affirmation: George Zimmerman has a girlfriend and you eat over the sink alone.
Too busy saving Gotham City to keep up with today’s news? Fear not, here’s today in five jokes:
Today the House passed a bill to allow people to keep their substandard health insurance which is like solving homelessness by passing out new tents.
Today Toronto’s city council voted to strip Mayor Rob Ford of his ability to to appoint and dismiss committee chairs. His recent appointee, The Chair of the Hair Pie Eating Committee will no longer be recognized.
China announced it will ease its one child law and end labor camps so chin up, your backordered gold iPhone 5S is on its way!
A teacher was fired this week for punching a seventh-grade student after the student made a joke about his favorite football team. The Jacksonville Jaguars are super excited to still have a fan that cares.
Please run for Congress.